Speaking Up for the Quiet Signs


Speaking Up for the Quiet Signs

When we think about autism, many of us imagine certain clear signs: a child who avoids eye contact, doesn’t respond to their name, or doesn’t smile. These have long been seen as classic “red flags” that prompt evaluations and early diagnosis.

But what if your child does have some of these behaviors? What if they smile, respond to their name, and even make eye contact — yet still struggle deeply in ways that aren’t immediately obvious?

The Signs That Didn’t Fit the Script

My son Colton could do many of the things people typically think rule out autism. As a baby and toddler, he smiled. He looked at people. He would often turn when his name was called. He even passed his 18-month autism screening with no concerns flagged.

But everything shifted around age three, when he experienced a speech regression and lost all of his “real” words. When I brought up autism as a possible explanation, I was told, “Well, regression can be a sign of autism, but he smiles and makes eye contact — so we’re not concerned about that.” As a new mom, I trusted what I was told. I didn’t question it. I let it go.

What I didn’t realize was that Colton had actually been showing subtle signs of autism at home as early as 7 to 9 months old. But as a first-time mom, I didn’t know that the behaviors I was seeing weren’t typical. I thought they were just part of who he was.

Because of that early reassurance — and the misconception that autism always means a lack of eye contact or smiles — his diagnosis was delayed for years. We believed it was “just” a speech delay. But as time went on, other concerns began to emerge. One little red flag after another. Small things that didn’t seem like much at first, but kept adding up.

A Different Autism Timeline

Something in my gut told me there was more going on — even if our pediatrician, his teachers, and even well-meaning family friends didn’t see it. It was like he was aging backwards.  Things that didn’t bother him as an infant or toddler, bothered him immensely at 3-5 years old.

I finally made the call myself. I reached out to our local autism center and asked for Colton to be placed on the waitlist for an evaluation. He was 7 years old.

 Looking back, I’m so glad I finally trusted myself.

Then finally on June 12, 2025 after a 2 plus year wait, we got our diagnosis.

Several weeks later I attended a parent orientation for families new to autism diagnosis. Nearly every family there had a child under the age of four, newly diagnosed, just beginning their journeys.

I looked around and realized: my son is almost 9 and a half. Our path has been different. Longer. Harder in some ways.

But his story is just as important.

Not so Obvious

Looking back, there were several unique traits Colton showed early on that, in hindsight, may have been early indicators of neurodivergence. At the time, they didn’t raise alarms — especially since he was hitting certain milestones and seemed so engaged in his own way.

Important note: Just because my child is neurodivergent doesn’t mean that every child who shares similar traits is as well. Every child develops differently, and context matters. This is simply our experience — shared in hopes it might help another parent start asking questions or trusting their instincts a little sooner.



Why Speaking Up Matters

We need to broaden the conversation about autism and the “quiet signs” — the ones that don’t match the stereotypes but are very real.

  • Autism can look very different in every child.
  • Early smiles and eye contact don’t mean a child isn’t autistic.
  • Some children, especially those with Level 1 autism or multiple co-occurring conditions, can mask or compensate in ways that make their struggles invisible.

By sharing stories like mine, I hope to raise awareness for families and professionals alike — to encourage listening closely, looking deeper, and trusting parents who know their children best.

For Families Still Searching

If your child doesn’t fit the typical mold, if you’ve been told “he can’t have autism because he smiles” or “she makes eye contact, so it’s not that,” please don’t give up. Quiet signs matter. Your concerns matter. And help is possible.

No matter the age or timing of diagnosis, every family deserves support, understanding, and hope.

 

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